This is me with my grandmother; you'll hear more about her in my book. This is
also the youngest picture I have of myself.
I think I was pretty cute, maybe a little plump for my age, but nonetheless cute!
I'm about 11 months old in this photo, and I had just been abandoned in a car by
my biological mother and placed in emergency foster care.
When you are abandoned by the one person who is supposed to keep you safe, life
tends to feel unsafe.
You're left with feelings of being unwanted, worthless, damaged, a bad seed,
unlovable. A feeling that not only you, but your life isn’t important and doesn’t
matter. No one knows or cares if you exist.
And for a long time, I believed all of it to be true.
Then, one achievement at a time, big or small, it didn’t matter. Every time I
accomplished something it was proof to the world that I can do anything I put my
mind to. Every challenge I was faced with and conquered, I slowly stopped listening
to the negative loop that was running in the background of my life.
I stopped listening to the outside chatter and the noise of other people and their
fears around life.
I stopped listening to the ones who had opinions about young people in or who
came from the foster care system.
I stopped listening to everyone but myself. Sometimes I didn’t always get it right,
but slowly I started to trust myself.
But, if we’re going to being totally honest here, which I hope we always can be,
those voices still show up today. The difference is they are a little quieter and less
frequent than they used to be.
The voices I hear are from the little girl that sits inside me and fears everything and
everyone she meets. She tells me to stop, stay safe and don’t trust anyone. She tells
me to stay quiet and hide, and whatever I do, don’t let anyone see me.
It has taken a long time to convince that scared, guarded little girl that she is safe
and doesn’t need to be so afraid or hide from the world anymore.
These voices I heard were not just the voices inside of me, they were also the voices
and opinions or the picture that was painted of what kids in the foster care system
were like and capable of achieving.
The picture society painted was that most foster youths would never amount to
anything, they would be a statistic and a menace to society.
Maybe, what they were really trying to say is, that we would have to live everyday in
fear, guarded, struggling to survive, protecting ourselves from a society that has
done so many of us wrong?
Yeah, I think that’s what they were trying to say.
I was told at a very young age that I would never succeed in life especially if I chose
to be a hairdresser.
Even though it’s 2023, those of us in the beauty industry are still working hard to
get the world to see the value in the industry and what we do. There is no other
industry out there that is not required to but invests in education so that we can
serve our customers in the best way possible.
Part of my life’s mission is to educate beauty professionals to be proud and secure
in their career choice. To teach them to let go of the stigma and opinions society
still has around choosing a career in the beauty industry.
To teach them to continue to invest in themselves not because it’s expected by the
consumer but because they are worth it.
The point I want to make here is that you are not your story. You are not your past.
You are not what happened to you, and you are not the opinions of other people.
Let’s face it, we all know what opinions are like........ And everybody has one.
You are so much more. You are you, and there is no one in the world like you.
You might not believe it right now, but life isn’t supposed to be miserable or “fake
happy.” Everyone has the right to an amazing, happy, fulfilling, successful life.
Whatever success looks like to you because, it’s different for everyone.
Maybe it’s going off the grid and living on the land. Maybe it’s getting a fancy car.
Maybe it’s being able to provide a roof and food over your family’s head.
Whatever it means for you......you have every right to have everything you desire
you just have to go out and get it.
But first, you’ll have to shut out the inside and the outside noise. The noise that
that’s trying to convince you of a story that’s not true.
It could be the story you made up about yourself, or the story someone repeatedly
said to you your entire life or a maybe it’s a belief or an opinion society has. No
matter what it is, it’s time to let it go and discover who you truly are.
So often people tell me “I am who I am, I’m never changing, this is who I am” “Don’t
even think of trying to change me.”
Not for a second do I believe any of that crap.
That’s just working hard at staying in your comfort zone, stuck in a place you
created that helps that little person in you feel safe.
Do you honestly believe that you are supposed to be bitter, angry, sad, unhappy or
miserable in life?
Do you believe you shouldn’t express yourself or your emotions?
Do you believe you are supposed to live your life for everyone else?
Do you believe you are supposed to hide and live in the shadows of everyone else?
Not for a second. This is why I had to stop believing my story and the thoughts and
opinions of anyone else but me.
We become what we believe. We become the thoughts in our head.
It’s time to change the narrative, change the story you’re telling yourself. Change
the story on auto loop in your head. The one that’s holding you back from being
you.
Because ....
You are beautiful.
You are smart.
You are all those things and more.
But most of all, you are seen, and you are loved...
