Dirty Laundry

Why? Why on earth would I want the world to get a glimpse inside what’s going on in my crazy head? Why would I want to share even a little bit of what it’s like to be an energetic hairdresser/salon owner with a laundry list of traumas and dysfunction? I mean, come on, I’m a “SALON LEADER.” I’m supposed to have my sh*t together?

Here’s a little secret, just because I’ve been in a leadership role for 30 years, that does not mean I knew what I was doing ... especially 30 years ago. 30 years ago, my dirty laundry ran the show, I was a leadership mess (more on that in future blogs)!

I’d like to take a bow and thank foster care, adoption backlash issues, and a slew of abusive relationships for my extensive list of life challenges.

I know you’re asking, why share the muck? Why take the risk of people not liking me? Why take the risk of being ridiculed or judged? Why would I jeopardize my business with stories of crappy leadership and dysfunctional management?

Why wouldn’t I stay quiet, and settle down? Don’t I know I shouldn’t talk about trauma and dysfunction? It makes people uncomfortable.

Maybe I should tuck myself away? Find a safe, easy spot to live out my life and live it quietly. Those of you who know me know I’ve never been quiet. This is WHY the world needs to see and hear my dirty laundry.

Because my dirty, grimy, smelly laundry is going to help one person see that there is life beyond trauma. It’s going to help one person realize they can have the power of their life back.

My dirty laundry is going to help one person realize their past doesn’t predict their future.

My dirty laundry is going to help one person realize your past and your story can keep you stuck in a cycle of dysfunctional relationships.

My dirty laundry is going to help one person figure out whether their story or trauma is holding them back from living their dream.

My dirty laundry is going to help one person see that they don’t have to live a life filled with fear, anger, and resentment.

My dirty laundry is going to help one person move through their trauma, get to the other side and live a life of peace and happiness.

For all this, I will air my dirty laundry.

Why?? Why?? Why???

Because this is what I needed 25 years ago when I started on my healing journey.

I needed to know I wasn’t alone.

I needed to know I wasn’t the only person living in sadness and fear of abandonment and rejection every second of my life.

I needed to know why I was self-sabotaging every area of my life.

I needed to know why I was attracting only abusive, manipulating, controlling men.

I needed to know why my so-called “friends” only saw me for what I could give to them.

I’m here, to be honest with you. 25 years ago, I didn’t know what those words meant. Abandonment, self-sabotage, rejection, trauma, worthlessness -- what the heck was all that stuff, and what did it mean? "That’s not me, that’s other people, I’m good, I have my life together." That was the big fat lie I told myself for years.

I had no idea I was letting my story and my trauma control my life.

Maybe this is resonating with you? Maybe you're letting your story and trauma run your life? I’m here to let you know it’s ok, we all start in the same place and you, my friend, are never alone.

I know it’s hard stuff to face. Believe me when I say I’m human and my trauma still creeps into my life and gets in the way when I least expect it. The difference now is that I know my trauma and it doesn’t win anymore, I have made the choice to rewrite my story.

If you choose a journey of healing, I promise you it will be hard but you’ll never look back. And let’s face it ... nothing easy is ever worth it. It’s the hard, winding paths that change our life.

So sit back and enjoy all my stinky, dirty laundry.